I know i shoudnt be but i just am

watching Law&Order. all i want is to see 'S'. i promised myself that i woudnt fall in love till i finish school but i broke it. i dont know wat to do. i cant wait to see 'S' but theirs nothing worse than this feeling seeing the one u love... love someone else. this is all that i want to talk about but the world doesnt revolve around me, so i dont want to bother anyone. i want to tell him and know if he actually likes someone or not and to know how he feels about me, but if it means that he doesnt feel the same and then he avoids me, i dont want that, and plus i still want to know him some more, so ill wait 4 a while..... im still so confuse about my feelings, i just dont know what to do, but every time i think im waisting time, ... im so clueless. i wish i was smart, really smart, couse my problem with 'S' is not the only thing im woring about, theirs also my education. i think im failing, im trying to get a scholarship, im so tired, i hv so many hw and theirs so little time. i get little sleep, and im really tired. Seeing 'S' makes my hearth beet faster and makes me smille, he makes me lose all my wories in life. im not sure if thats a bad thing or not, so if u know please tell me. and every little thing that 'S' or anyone does, i think much and big of it and get the wrong idea. but it makes me happy. i dont hv anyone to talk about this and ask 4 advice. their is one peorson, but i dont want to bother her and she also hv a life, many problems shes facing herself.