October 9? 2013

It's been a wile. I know. But, it's just that this place sucks. Ugh, weird.
Anyways, right now I'm waiting for this stupid laptop to work. I just finished typing up my essay that was due on Monday, but I didn't give it in x< I need to keep up my grades! So this laptop is meh bros, and apparently he downloaded a whole bunch of junk because it's really really really slow. Trying to print it.
A lot happened.
Haha! Your not up to date!
But it's wateve's. I don't really care, but this is to improve.. Whatever it is that it's trying to improve.
Today I only went to three of my classes, lunch and then skipped the rest of the day with V. I wonder if she's doing alright in school. I hope she's not getting bad grades or lack of sleep bc we hang out after school... :/ I don't know...
I wanted to skip yesterday, but Sam-I-Am was... Idk, he got me to go to school.
I just can't keep up with school anymore, theirs too many work to be done, and I can't keep track and handle it all together. I just want a break you know? I guess today was that break. I seriously need to take school seriously, get my stuff straighter out, and do my work. I heard that junior year is the most important year because this is the year that colleges wi be looking at. But the thing is that I don't even know what I want to manly in, what collage to go to, and etc. it just feels so out their you know? Like it's far in the future, don't worry, or it's okay, just wing it, or,... That I might not even make it to the future. Idk, it's weird but yeah, that's why I don't really take school seriously because I feel like that I won't even have a future and that if I worry about school, I'll just be wasting my time, when I could be doing something else. But I know that nothing will happen so...

This is it for now... I'll continue, Later, when I'm not lazy, have time, or feel like it.

I feel... Nothing...

Nothing, nothing at all...
So.. Emotionless. ...
So.. Heartless...

MAKE THAT FROWN UP.SIDE.DOWN.!!!!!!!!!!

I.. Don't know why but I just and and I just do... I feel all FREAWKING and shet. I mean like, out of fudging nowhere I just started to cry. ... This was few mins ago. I don't know why but I just do. I don't know why I'm all.. Sad and stuff.. I dont know why. I should be happy and not freaking care about anything and just .. Enjoy... Life... And stuff.. You know..... THEIRS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!! WHAT THE HECK man?!? Like fuge, UGH!! I'm not gonna say what I did for the past.. Whatever,.. Too lazy and ?tired? And ?sad? IDK MAN!!! Idk!! I don know
I don't know
I don't know anything.... I don't... I really don't....
...whoop... For music... For always being their, I can always blast music through my headphones when I'm all down and shet
Whoop.. For these sad and depressing fudging music.
For making me more fishing sader
But happy music just.. Is.. All.. Ugh man
You know? No? Well too bad,..... BYE.!!!!

MILK. IS. DISGUSTING. xP

I'm thinking of doing a... One of these thingies you call each night... I mean this IS suppose to only record what I did each day bc MY MEMORY SKILL S.U.C.K.S. the title of this thingy is unrelated to what I'm gonna say though hahaha. So yesterday.. Damn. I forgot what happened after I posted the thingy... Uhm, I played jut dance, had three apple, wanted more but I was told not to eat anymore bc they were going to make a shake out of it the next day (which is today) ugh, I forgot, but I found out that at night I got my monthly gift from Mother Nature..... And I was... ... Not nice hahaha, the tiredness and the "." Made me .. I guess cranky, I was.. Text cursing(T.C.) to my friend and my gf ugh, I suck, I Coudnt find any pads and the women of the house wasn't home... So I... Ugh.. Searches and T.C. Some more ... Annoying. I was annoying. So.. I ended up asking my cousins ... I didn't think they would know what it was BUT THE DOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... But it was a panty liner and a tampon (yeah, I don't care if this is a totally T.M.I. Nobody was suppose to actually read these but me... So like yeah deal with it if their is actually someone reading HAHAHA) so I had to use it... But it's usually heavy, my "." And... They were... Not that supportive lol. I found out why I ate so much on Wednesday now, I always eat alot before I have my "." That's how I know it's coming, but I tend to control myself (see! I can control myself.... (¬_¬) sometimes...) so, today, Friday (hahahahahahaha I keep thinking today is Thursday, I even wrote Thursday instead of Friday, I I deleted it... I know I'm not suppose to delete and go backwards... But.. Shhh) so I woke up this morning, I kept waking up then going to sleep haha, someone from MI called (don't know what that means, asked my gf, forgot what she said.. See? Bad memory here) didnt pick up, was asleep during the call) the little one tried to put her arm around me and pull me close to her but I'm big for her so it was kinda hard haha it was SOOO cute, so I turned around and hugged her as tight as I can but not too tight bc I didn't want to suffocate her, and sleep, her hair was all in my business, it was all up in meh face!! It was hard to text haha, I was thinking of texting to my BESTFEIEND but I was sleepy, and I didn't want to be only texting her sometimes from time to time and I heard the day before that she made plans with someone, so.. Yeah.. We woke up, went to use the bathroom, ate bread with Nutella, was still hungry after so I ate some grapes, then we went to hang out in the living room a bit and then brushed our teeth and wash our face, we usually do it before we eat breakfast and after we wake up but the big one asked when we woke up if we can eat first and then wash up and I replied with a sure, try new things you know? Switch things up around a bit, but it won't stay like that forever, just try it for once lol, so we then hanged around the dining room bc the mom was making lunch, we played this game, and we ALL was really into the game haha, it's called hardest game 2, we ate fried it crunchy chicken (I think) wings (had five) ate it with duck sauce, then had dough boy, it was really hard...so when my cousin said you can't keep it bc it goes bad the next day, she was true... After we were done, they asked to go okay outside, but I became unsure bc the dad said it was really hot outside... And I don't really like the heat that much.. Makes me cranky.... So I asked them what we were going to do outside actually, the big one said ride her bike and the little one said play ball ( she really likes her bouncy ball, she even brought it to NY and kept telling me to play ball with her, she's like my bro... He used to, not sure if he still does, like bouncy balls and had a whole bunch of collection of it, these cousins are like a mini version of me and my bro, .. I guess we hanged out with them alot that they copied how we acted and started to become something really similar) the parents then said to go play with the water in the backyard and we did, we played with the hose (a whole bunch of stuff happened but it's not something I can explain bc it's mostly in my head, meaning I had thought about some stuff, I tried to stop thinking bc.. It made me unhappy, and I don't like it when I'm unhappy.. I mean like, seriously, why be all down and stuff, just be happy and enjoy your life, life is short and like.. Yeah.. I found out that thinking made me unhappy from my previous relationship... I was constantly thinking about MANY things and it made me al down and stuff , I was so .. Serious and Stuf haha, I was constantly worried and afraid and I Coudnt really enjoy myself as much, so after that, after I have done alot of thinking after the breakup, I tried to stop thinking about many stuff, and just finally have some natural fun hahahaha ) at first I wasn't enjoying myself as much... I was worried... Ugh, maybe bc I didn't wan to get dirty? Idk, maybe... But then I did some thinking and ... Just led go of myself and had fun, we made a water slide, we played save me, it's where you have to try to clime up the wet and slippery slide and you can't touch the ground slash grass bc it's lava, we made it rain haha, we did alot of stuff, we had fun. After that, we came inside, we was about to hange but the mom asked if we wanted to go play outside still and we said yes so we went outside, my cousins took their bike and I took my uncle's skateboard, I wanted to practice skateboarding, I still suck haha, we then went over to hang out inside neighbor slash friends pool, we had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun, we tried to wrestle in the water, they tried to wrestle, I just tried to drown them, we played volleyball in the water with the beach ball that has a hole in it, we ten tried to hit each other with the ball , we did Alot of stuff haha , It was fun,we were told to come back inside at 6:30 so we left but the dad said 7 so we went back to the pool haha, had alot of fun too, we then went back to the house and took a shower right away, after we showered, we ate dinner, dinne was pizza with  brocoli toppings, ate half a corn and UGH! Drank milk... But it was strawberry milk so I ... Sigh... Drank all of it, my cousin made it for me, when I took a sip, I tasted ALOT like milk and a LITTLE bit of strawberry milk, so I took the powder mix thingy and dumped about ten or more spoons... If I'm drinking milk, it CAN'T taste like milk.. Otherwise I will not drink it, I DONT LIKE MILK... AT ALL... It's good that my cousins like milk, it's really good, I thought they would copy me like always and not drink it but they really like it which is really really good. Went I watch Mullan, then Mullan 2. Then we had dessert which was ice cream sandwich and then we had smoothie, not too proud of eating the icecream... ... ... Then we played just dance... It. Was. A . Bad. Idea.. Bc I stained EVERYTHING... Ugh, this is when the heavyness of my "." Come in.. I had to wear my swimming shorts bc I didn't have anymore pj left, it's in the laundry machine thingy... I had to wash... But I didn't fully wash it... Ugh, I just can't, too much work man... Too much... After that, I kinda wanted to draw

ANOTHER UP TO DATE

Okay, I'm going to guess the last time I talked about something was on Sunday? I don't know, I don't even know what I just said and what It means. So I'll start on Monday. Monday... Monday Monday Monday, I... Yeah, (trying to recall my memories lol so bear with me) so we went to ikea. Took about  2-3-4 hours or so,  I don't really know, didnt keep track, I just know that it was a VERY long ride. Went To pick some other people up, then webt to ikea. When we got their, we just looked around, took too long and my cousins got hungry so the dad went to take us to the half point where you eat and stuff (sorry for my weird .. Can you even call it a language? Hahaha I don't know I .. Make perfect sense hahaa, I'm hanging out with my cousins, kinda watching a movie something about Atlantis and someone returning now, so.. like.. yeah...) so we ate, first time I had crab? Or lobster salad, it was okay (everything's okay haha sure wutever I don't know) watched despicable me the first movie, I want to watch the second movie :/ the rest met up with us and ate, continued with the shopping, gave the little one a piggy back, I miss my stuffed carrot lol it was so cute and all, I ate it hahaha JK about both stuff, just playing around, so we stayed on top of a show bed, waiting for them, they took long to come back and left but they were their web we left haha so like.. I don't know.. Looked around some more, more piggybacks, played hide and go seek, I hid behind those showy rugs, haha they ended up buying it, one of the had to pee so we went to the beginning of the first floor,  where the eating place was but then they were like oh, theirs a bathroom at the end so we turned around and ran to the end, she pee, we went back, didnt do anything fun after, I just stood close by the cart, I was in cart duty haha boring, when we went to the end where you go look fit the stuff to buy, we all took turns riding and pushing the cart? It was fun, until someone hit something?? Or maybe they needed to put stuff in it, I don't know. We went to buy, went back to drop of the othe people,  went inside the house, tried to whistle back to the bird, it whistled back to my little cousin bc she could whistle and she's really better and good than me, I looked around the house a bit ( I'm a nosy person) and left, the house is big and spacy lol , went outside, the little one found this huge ant and just picked it up like that lol what te heck, she got more guts than me... I'm a wuss hahahaha , went in the car, got KFC, went back to the house, ate, and I don't remember after that.. At all.. Damn.... I think we took a shower, yeah, and did stuff, ugh I don't remember, I helped set up the new couch beds,  I VC with my gf <3, my cousin were hogging up the cam. Tuesday... Once I woke up, we washed up and left, had a bacon eggs mad cheese at DD For breakfast, then went to china town in Boston. Picked up some other people, went grocery to two stores, then went to BJ and went to the house their in B. dropped off the grocery then went to dim sum. Tongue got burned from the scorching hot tea, then ate each one they ordered. Had chiken feet for the first time... It was... Okay lol. Then went back to the house in B. we got bored so we played hide and go seek. GIT bored again so we went to go do some more boring stuff but instead we went downstairs, we stayed in the bedroom, we tried to do wipe out on the bed and it looked more like they got caught by the police lol, they ate, I didn't, was still full from the thingy, then went upstairs to eat some snacks that we snook from the car. After we were done, I got bored and starte to do a quick sketch, had to draw in pen bc it was the ONLY thing to draw with, what the heck, soon, some other people came and we played, we ran, played cops and robbers, then watched mr bean, then we exercised, we ate dinner, then A LOT  more people came, we ate, my cousins and I went upstairs, we played more, soon we left to go back in RI. Then we VC more with my gf, sleep. Wednesday. Woke up, washed up, eat three bowls of cereal, ALOT of dumplings then went to te beach, took about an hour and a half to get their, then played, we tried to make sand castles, a volcano, a hot tube, a pond, a pool, a damn, played in the water for SOOOOOOOOO long, got sand and seaweed in many places lol, their was so many bugs, small crabs in the water and the sand, the beach was REALLY REALLY REALLY SALTY. We had dough boy, went to another restaurant they ate raw something, went to another store, ate fried seafood, fries, chiken tenders, fried clam, fried ... Alot of food, I have eaten ALOT AND WHEN I SAY ALOT, I mean ALOT OF FOOD. Went back to the house, and VC with my gf <3 they made me play just dance, and Venus was watching the whole time lol, I VC with her till around 2-3 am haha , today, Thursday. Woke up, face times one of my friend, she's my best friend , then at 11, I washed up, and ate pop tarts, I was still face timing her, it's fun, then she left to go hang out with some fiends, I went to go rollerblade after and then took it off bc it was hurting my feet, it was asmall on me, then I went to a pool!!! Stayed their for a wile, from 1or2-5 then got home, ate dinner( my dinner was two bread with Nutella, and mangos, and then went to watch a movie (mentioned in the beginning) then starte to play just dance, playing now hahaha, so inns go leave now , bye!!!

Repeats,

Eh.. I'm just going to TRY to explain each day.. Starting from Wednesday night slash Thursday morning. ... So this is kinda a repeat but just an in depth of the last post... I was tired okay? Sorry -__- . Okay so me and my cousin went to my house and stayed for the night. We were going to the movies and my mum was taking us. She wanted to go to the early time bc it's suppose to be cheaper than the day time movies. So she kept making me mad.. But I guess it was my fault... For being so moody.. And for making a deal out of everything.. I'm going to try to change that now.. So I stayed in t dark room the whole night. My cousins soon came in to sleep. My mum came in too but I got.. Angry and she left... IM SORRY x( ugh... So the three of us slept sideways on my small bed. My room was HOT as fuge, and the AC was ON!! What the heck!?! It was a hard choice choosing which person I should sleep next to, one snores and the other was a bed hogger lol, but I'm a bed hogger too and the one who snores said this was going to be hard to sleep with us LOL. So I slept besides the bed hogger , mostly bc I was already at the side and she went next to me first. .. I guess.. So I was falling asleep wile I was texting my girlfriend and telling my cousins to FALL ALSEEP, bc they kept moving and talking and shouldn't sleep. So I told one of them that if she sleeps late, she can't be cranky in the morning, can't tell if that worked but they feel asleep later on. Once they were fully alseep, I.. Was awake.. Lol, so I just text my girlfriend until she fell asleep. She had an ag thingy program to go to in the morning. So like yeah... (I don't know where this is going... LOL) so, after she fell asleep, I went and read my friends blogger. It was mostly about her bf... They have a long distant relationship. Soon, it started to talk about me... I got sad... Bc I realized that I was a bad friend to her... And we were supposively  be "best friends" ... :/ ...so I started to text to her... We ended up texting for the whole night lol, IT. WAS. FUN. LOL, I don't know how, I guess it's bc the night brings out the inner you LOL I don't know. So I tried to stay up to talk to my gf in the morning when she wakes up, .. But I ended up falling asleep when she woke up.. Didn't even get to talk, ugh, my friend fell asleep, and now.. I had nothing to do and boom, I slept... So I woke up, and got ready for the movie, we left, we went to the movie theater. That's where I met my friend lol, the one I was talking all night with. She tried to ignore me :( ... I don't know why.. Maybe bc my mum hates her guts? So we watched the movie. It was pretty good. We were suppose to go for dimpsum with my aunt bc it was going to be her bday gift, but she was at work.. We then went to pick up my Lola and went to I.O.G. We went back to my Lola's house, stayed their to kill time, drew a mustache on the little one, went to my school. Met one of my friend, she left, the little on was scared that my gf would hate her, especially with the mustache so we went to clean it off, we met up with my gf, mum tried to look for my bro, I head my mum have my girlfriend "the look", mum left, the little on wanted to stay with me and my gf, mum said no, they went to find my bro, went to my gf's house, she took a shower, she said my face looked a bit thinner? haha, i dont see it, it looksthe same, told me to eat more but i am, we "cuddled", we were suppose to go shopping but she was exhausted to go shopping so we stayed home, I didn't want to leave, but I had to, left late, went home late, the little one went to greet me right away. Ate one.. And a half? Cookies, had a bit of rice and a bit of lumpia, knocked out right away, hadn't slept that much, I heard my cousins cried at night and is now going to leave on Wednesday instead of Friday. Stayed home,got bored, made angels, walked to McDonald, they ate, I don't like McDonald so I didn't eat anything. Played for a bit, went to one of my Lola's majong places, got moody, got mad at her, I feel bad, first time that happened, I'm sorry... Went to play in the playground across the street, it was still raining, git hungry, went to subway, their wasn't anything else, got I think it was called a chicken parmasion, my cousin ordered it, payed, went to the train station to fill up my metro card, walked back to the house, ate, watched tv, got bored, we became camera whores lol, took sooooo much photo, aunt picked us up, got stoped off my house, packed, didn't realize I lost 12$, tried to look for it, mum found two $ only, lost 10$ now, GREAT, I keep loosing my money, ugh, not good, I need a wallet, texted my gf and my other friend, said I should draw for my friends bday, drew stuff about Nutella, didnt fall asleep till five something, I get distracted alot, and I didn't know what to draw, woke up, finished the drawing, took a shower, cooked ramen, bro and my gf was hungry, went to mail something ( mum asked me to), walked back, saw my gf outside, went in, I finished making ramen, it was tasteless since I made it soupy, bro hated it, went to "cuddle", went to Jamaica, walked to my friends (J-J or personal human diary) house ( the one who told me I should draw his gf a drawing) met his mom, bro (howdy, I call him howdy) and his pet, a cat and a HUSKY!!! Watched them play mine craft and kingdom hearts, walked to the dollar store, bought Nutella, bro tried to do the cat walk, told me I should try bc I "have te hips for it" I didn't, walked to the party, no one was barely their, we sat.. And sat.. And sat.. I went to go find the bday girl, have her my present, and went to sit.. Again.. It was boring... The party, I only liked it bc I was with my gf <3 she lent me her bracelet for the time I was goin to be in RI, I was sooooooo happy, I didn't know what to do haha, I so full of excitement, so I just have her a hug >w< she took a photo of us and I got even more happy haha, she had to go leave bc it was her stepdads bday today, I didn't know until she told me when we went to Jamaica , I'm sorry, I didn't know,  I walked her to the bus stop, gave her a hug, and another hug, I walked back to the party, and I was lonely as fuge...  Soon, everyone started to dance and stuff... I was just their... Still lonely.. I tried to go talk to someone but they shove me away..... I got bit by something... By a bug and it hurts... It was hard to text bc their was low signal, so it took FOREVER for the text messages to be sent, .. I walked to the front and just stayed their... Being my lonesome self haha.. My personal human diary saw me and walked up to me, he asked me what I was doin here and I jut have him a shrug, he started to talk to me, I can tell he was .. Sad? Or something, I didn't know why, I knew he was, I can see it.. And it just makes me sad to know that he doesn't trust me.. I want him to talk to me lol, I can tell that he's bottling it up, and it's hurting him (? ) I just want to help him, he helped me SOO many times and I wanna help him to, the reason his nickname is personal human diary is bc I tell him stuff, secrecy Stuf that I never told anyone before, he's a nice friend, a good friend, and I can see that our group is becoming more distant, out group had my personal human diary, my bro, Sam I Am where's my green eggs and ham, me, tom-tom(but he.. He's not in the group anymore, he stoped taking the bus with us and .. Stoped talking to us, but he comes sometimes , rarely) and M. (Personal human diary's gf) . We webt our separate ways after I started having kickboxing lessons... :( I ditched them on the days where I don't have lessons for my ex... UGH!! I suck, I regret it, I miss my friends lol, I do... So I told him that he can talk to me and he told me... But he didn't tell me much bc my mum came and picked up... I told him he can just text me anytime and we should hang out more, I don't know what he said, he didn't really say anything.. .. So my mum stoped us off my Lola's house, she took some pics of us before we went inside. Soon my mumum left. I got bored and started to take some pics lol, I also played with my har, doing some weird hair style, I made a vid on Instagram of me making weird funny faces lol, I WAS BORED!!!!!!  Then my cousins parents faced time them telling them that they cousin pick them up on Wednesday and that they were just going to pick then up on Friday, they cried and cried and they said they'll pick them up on Sunday.. Thick was the next day... I told my gf and idk what she said, I don't remember what happened after.. I just remember going to sleep, and having to keep waking up bc I had to pee, I remeber I had a hard time buttoning up my shorts so I just left it like that haha.. So it's the next day, my Lola and my cousins kept waking me up to eat, but I DON'T. WANT. TO. EAT! But I still did anyways, I took a shower.. I had a fight with my bro, he hurt me pretty bad but I kinda hurt him more.. I'm sorry, I got his blood on my short, and .. That's it I remember, they came to pick us up, went to my house, took my back, MY BAG WAS HEAVY!!!!!!!!!! As FUGE!!! Haha but I suck it up and just carried it. I was falling asleep In the car, and I didn't wake up until my gf texted my back, so I kinda did that thig where I sleep and text at the same time, we went to McDonald to eat, I don't like McDonald so I didn't eat, we went back to the car, we got to RI, did stuff, .. Hmm... Watched the croods, ate!! Finally, but it was noodles, I had a banana after, finish watching, watched bicentennial man, had ice cream, finished eating it, they asked about my bf, told them he broke up with me, told ten I had a gf now, they was shocked, they started to talk about how back in the day it was frowned upon, and yeah, went to sleep,
As you can see, I gradually got tired and lazy explaining each day, got especially tired on explaining Sunday, so it wasn't explained thourooughtly ... ... Maybe I will or maybe I won't explain , morning now,

Sleepy update time... I guess

Fuge... Don't remeber the last time I updated lol... I don't know what I talked about... ... Anyways so yesterday .. But yesterday would be Sunday since today is Monday but to me it downst feel like it bc I didn't sleep yet and Stuf... Okay, so Saturday, I went to a party haha whoo-hoo! It was....... Fun.. Sure, lets go with that LOL! I only liked it bc my girlfriend came <3 >\\\< she let me borrow her bracelet for the time being I was going to be gone for.. It was suppose to be one week but I got trapped into staying for two weeks... So, before the party I stayed up all night drawing her a last minute present lol, she's  crazy for Nutella so it was based on Nutella, also got her Nutella ( her as in the birthday girl just FYI) Friday was...eh... Got moody and was mean to my Lola x'( first time I was mean to her.... I feel soooooo bad, bc she's nothing but nice to everyone. Thursday... Went to the movie theater and watched monster university, it was pretty good. The night on Wednesday and the morning of Thursday, I texted to my friend nonstop lol, it was pretty fun.. I found out that the night brings the is you out lol, I guess that's why people like to PARTEY at night lol I don't know, I don't know... Went to go pick up my bro at school and went to meet up with my gf. My cousins met her and also my mum. ... I heard my mum was giving her the "look" LOL IDK but I can guess she did... I guess... I don't know... The little one has a good memory skill lol o is very obsevent, in which I wish I was really good at lol. She said "she had messy hair and was wearing a blue shirt" lol do after that, I went over to her place and ended up staying their for the day, we were suppose to go shopping but she got tired and didn't want to out, it was understand able, the ag thingy program sounds tiresome haha... So.. I'm at RI right now... I miss her sooooooooooooooo much :'( lol, won't be able to see her till two weeks from now, but theirs always VC... It's a substitute, but I prefere to meet her in person lol. The firs thing I wanna do when I get back to NY is go see her and give her a hug lol, I like hugs... Funny how I disliked hugs in middle school... Hahahaha, I like her bracelet. Oh gosh! Okay, so like, she too a pic of us together, and I was all happy (in the inside but not sure if it was noticble on the outside) but she had to go and delete it... :( it's the first pic with us LOL... I'm needy.... Shhhhh~ haha THROAT. STILL. HURTS!!! Ugh! So this morning me And my bro got into a fight... He's pretty strong... Always had been... That's why I get scared of hi when he's serious lol, his kicks and pushes and freaking Scratches hurts, ... Got his blood on my WHITE! shorts ugh! Lol I kinda hurt him bad too but that's only bc he wasn't serious when we firs started to fight... I feel bad ... I hurt him bad too...... I'm tired... I SHOULD BE SLEEEEEEEEEPING!!!!!! .... Okay, that's it for now, lol I'm tired, can't think anymore, so, good night guy...(s)...ish.... Idk...

My Thoughts... (¬_¬) .. Yeah..

HA! Theirs the word! The way that that stupid guy at the store thingy was acting like!!! My friend helped me get the words right haha it's exactly as she had said it, here: "But to be honest its because i don't like how they act mad stupid " 
Ugh!!! That kid man lol, okay, my anger is gone now 😁 har-di-har-har 😋 
So, I've been reading the only two other journals I know... It's getting me depressed man... Depressed -__- so I'm gonna stop reading them now... Like I said before, I don't really look back and reread the past, but I did and.. This happens... But wuteves, I hope I can forget lol. 
I have been thinking about this for a wile now, u don't want to know people's past, bc it's so depressing and it seems like your chasing for the past. But I don't want that. I wanna live in the present, and might or might not worry about the future, lol. I've been reading my gf's journal lol, and it go me jealous... I get jealous easily -__- ...and bc I couldn't handle the emotions... That I was feeling wile I was reading it as the emotions I had obtained reading it after, looking from my point of view... Ugh, I hate that I can't handle emotions or feelings or wutever... It makes me stop and not want to continue and not know... Ugh, BUT I WANT TO KNOW... But I don't have the courage to keep knowing... Does it makes sense? Lol, I don't know but wutever, I don't care about your opinions haha just kidding, I do, no matter what I tell myself, deep down just a little I care... Haha I don't know what I'm talki about now... (¬_¬) forgot what I was talking about now or what the purpose is now haha , okay ... 
OH! Okay, so wile I was reading my friends journal... Damn... It was the big guns... Bc their was a part .. Talking about me... That had included me... And fuge did that hurt .... 
... It made me realize that I had pushed away the friend that would and HAD cared when no one else would or did ... I had screwed up my friendship with her and fckd it up... And I am sorry... I was just.... Ugh, idk, I can't blame it on anyone else .. When I know that the damn truth was that is was all fully my fault... Now she's just.. Fading... Fading into the dust... I was so damn worried about what my family had to say... They don't like her... At all... And it was my fault again... I had made  bad choices in my life... And I'm not that proud... But I can't really do anything about it.. So ... I don know... 
I try hard.. I do... But I don't think it's hard enough or people notices it at all... ... Doesn't think I change... Huh? ... But I did... :/... But I guess I guessed wrong... Sigh... ... I'm just here siting in the corner of my dark room, just typing up what I am thinking and stuff or wut not, and my cousins are just their .. Sleeping.. In which I should be sleeping too .. But no... I had to read those journals.. And be like this now.. Lol... Hi. 
So.. My friend haha, she is crazy, and insane... I guess.. Not really or not that much.. What does it really mean? Lol, does it have a measure, to the point where you are that? But whAt if you are different that others and like yeah... No.. I don't know... Hi. .. Anyways, so she .. Well.. We got into a fight.. I know we get into fights alot.. But this time .. Damn did I screw up so bad... It was big... It motivated her to go and meet her bf.. They have a long distance relationship... Our fight was part of why she did it I guess, so she went that far. Bought a ticket, left in the middle of the night. And go meet her bf.. I'm glad they finally got to meet face to face and be happy. I'm happy of them :) I truly am... So like .. Her family disapproved of it but she did it anyways... She's cool... She's nice... .. WHY DID I DOOOO THAT!!! Ugh, ... 
So , I'm gonna wrap this up fast, keep loosing the main purpose, so be for I talk about how I don't like life, how I don't wanna live anymore and how I regret all those things that I had done in life... Well.. I don feel like that anymore.. I mean.. I had regretted everything I did in life and I had wished I had neve existed, but now I don't , bc now I know that if those incidents hasn't happened, I wouldn't have been able to meet my gf... Corny huh? But it's how I feel... First time... Sorry... x(... It feels.. Nice.. You know, to have been okay and glad that those horrible things, that horrible past that I had put up with had happens all for the sake to have meet the person you like... I dot know... I'm gonna stop now lol, back is hurting and I need to sleep, In which I may or may not sleep for the rest of the night ... So :/, .. Like.. (¬_¬) good night? Peeps? Lol bye, and sleeeeeeepppppp! 
(Btw, I still dot understand how people know about this site... Why are people coming here and may or may not be reading it, my pageviews and going up and I'm like.. Shouldn't It be 0 pageviews for .. The whole time? Lol, I don't know )

Nothing interesting...(¬_¬)

Nothing interesting happened... Just that my cousins and I true to make slime, we followed one of my cousins direction and failed... When to McDonalds today, just to play in the playground, I think we stayed their for 3-4 hours. Their was this kid, this brat, acting all freaking "cool", you know, like those kids you see in the street, he was cursing and acting all tough, and thinks he's too old for these stuff, I'm just sitting their saying to myself no. Don't do that. He was really pissing me off, I couldn't handle him, couldn't let it slide, I had a major headache I think, my head and throat had been hurting since yesterday. Oh gosh! I went to take my cousins for a run, right when we started, one of my cousins fell... I tried to go around the block, but they couldn't do it, kinda hard to run on a hill, but still, ... At least one lap or half way. I mean I know it's bigger than normal blocks.. But like.. Yeah, no. Idk. I think my heads been hurting after that. So we came back inside and ate dinner... I took a big mouthful and swallowed by accident before I chew... And DANG that hurts, after that my throat has been hurting lol. So like , this guy, he then goes and sticks the middle finger at some stranger, and they came inside to like idk , i didn't know what was happening at first and I didn't care, but it suddenly got so intensed and I got curious. after I found out, all those irritating things he had done just came rushing through my mind and that's where I snapped, I didn't want to do something mean bc he didn't really physically hurt me or my cousins (I think (¬_¬) I'm watching you) so I just took the water that was siting their and dump it on his back. And OH GOSH boy was he furious. He said some stuff, I said some stuff, he got even more mad (maybe bc it true? LOL ) and went to his other friend. HA! You scared that you'll get beat up by a girl or some girls? Hahaha psh~ this guy and his friend may be a bit big but the way he had tried to punch one of my cousin was SOOO wrong. It was five against one (maybe two, but his friend didn't really want to but in, I could tell) he started taking sh*t about me and my cousins and I'm like what? The heck, why don't you say that to my face!?! IT WAS H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. BOTH my cousins came in to defend me and was talking about how they should take it outside,down their, (he claimed up to the playground and wouldn't move an inch once he found a safe spot hahaha chicken) but he kept saying no and kept saying what are a bunch of "little" girls going to do, I knew he didn't want to fight haha, I didn't have to talk or fight back, my cousins was doing it for me! That was SOOOO FREAKINF CUTE AND ADORABLE!!! I love my cousins, an my family. So the boy was like come one, hit me with your best shot (xD haha ya se what I did tbeir? Lol with the song? Yeah no.) and my cousins ACTUALLY went easy on them haha, they also said they didn't want to hurt them, It was so cute and I laughed, the boy soon realized that he was fighting with the wrong person and started to look at me, he said stuff, I said stuff, and his friend was saying how he isn't afraid of my cousins but is with me... But I don't see why, I mean, I'm pequeno, small, and weak. But I took it as my advantages hahaha, stuff happened and my grandma came, told us it was getting late ad we should go back home, my cousins didn't eat to leave lol, they wated to continue, but they couldn't so we had to stop and left. I mean I expected that I would Lose in a fight but I won't really know bc I never got into a physical fight before. And I kinda want to lol, but I know I'm definekty going to lose but still, it seems kinda fun LOL. So .. We left haha. They tried to bring the police into the situation but I was ooooooooooh , yeah, like the police is going to go straight to McDonald as fast as try could  all bc a sh*ty likely brat got dumped with water hahaha. Theirs nothing to it, if he actually did, fine whatever, I know I was the one who started it but wuteves, I. Dot. Care. It was fun seeing him struggle hahaha. So, one of my bi friend got a bf, had the JUCIEST watermelon in my life so far, yuuuuu~m it was SOOO good.
So my cousins asked who it was I had been texting all the time and I told them its my girlfriend. They didn't understand and thought I was lying or joking around and asked questions like who? Your boyfriend? Your mommy? Your daddy? Your kuya? Your pet? LMAO I  was like "PET?" What? No, haha a pet can't text , ahh, so cute. So I kept explaining to them and they still didn't understand. So  one of my cousin was really confused and asked me serious Questioms. I told her some stuff and she still didn't understand. She said that its imposible to be in a relationship with the same gender... I was like uhm.. No. That's not true. And kept explaining. I didn't know what to do bc I even told her the simplest way that I thought could be explained. ... I'm not sure if she understands now or not. ... Haha. .. So I'm back home.. And mom kept pissing me off. I mean I don't want to fight back bc I know she does alot for us and I don't want to bother her... So I just do what I normally do... Go stuck myself in my dark dark room, sit in a corner, and ... Try to chillax, to just stay their. ..
Cousins finally staying over our house. They wanted to sleep in my room.. But my bed is too small and they said it too, so I don't know why they still chose it ... I'm a bed hogger .. And so is one of my cousins... The other snores.. Loud... I couldn't tell which one i Gould sleep next to, lol, the one who snores or the one who kicks haha. :/... My room is already a mess... And they just touch everything, they take it out and then misplace it, ugh, I can't stand that lol.... Even though I do it myself too... I am ashamed hahaha JK I don't know... Even with the ac, .. It's SOOOO hot haha... Ugh, ....................... (¬_¬) .. :/ .. I wanna go ice skating lol.. I don't know why, but I kinda always do,.. :/... Maybe bc it was the first place I had celebrated my bday when I came back from my homeland? Lol I don't know, I'm also not tha good at it haha,  but I just want to still... It's fun ^v^ ...... That's it.. Don't know what else to say haha.

Refreshing My Memory / Quick Up To Date

It's been a while, I know that I only come here for the purpose to release my emotions when I had believe that no one is really their for me at my worst, but I'm gonna maybe i dont know stop that? O.o lol, since I have a bad memory, I'm just gonna come here to like, yeah (¬_¬) .. If ya know wut I mean, I'm just using this for the purpose why I have this in the first place lol
So here's what happened so far, I dont really remember what I had last put up on here so their might be some repeats on stuff, I know I should go look but I'm too lazy and I don't really like doing that, it's too embarising. So at the night of May 7? I got dumpt. May 7 was this science parent thingy night and my friends and I stayed to get my mind off it, it was fun, learned about owls, and other birds I forgot what they were called, and did some stuff. Around that same week and the next week after that, this guy asked me out. I said no in a nice way. I knew I said no bc deep down a part of me wanted to get back with my ex and that maybe he would have taken me back. But it didn't happen. But it's okay lol. May 19 was when I had this lesson for Muay Thai Kickboxing. It was fun and I liked it lol so I decided to take the lessons. May 20, I went to another BBQ and I finally ate the fat from the pork-chop after a VERY long time, from then on, I had a sore throat. The next day is when I made another friend, her name: V and she's a grade.. (¬_¬) younger? I guess is the word younger than me. I met her by my friend R and another girl who has the same name as me. They were arm wrestling and I joined in them too. From that day on, I kept going back to her cuz I wanted to just finally relax, be free, get away from all that depressing sh*t and stuff, I had fun with her lol, that sounded so weird, but it isn't why you think it is. June 5, I went to go hang out with her, I was all tensed up lol, I was so nervous, never really went to another friends house. So I went over to her house, then we went to kissena park, if  felt like forever walking their lol, their was spammy turns and I could make a small map in my head. So, I don't remember what happened on Friday, or Monday. Tuesday... Oh gosh, I went to my ex's place. Then next day, I went to meet up with her again. We went to manhattan. Don't remember what happened on Thursday or Friday again. On Monday, I went to school,  I skipped all my classes, but  my teachers knew I was their..  (¬_¬) I think.. Then I skipped the rest and went to Queens center mall. Tuesday, I woke up late and was to lazy to go to school. But I went to go hang put with V again. I think we went to flushing meadow. The next day, we got report cards. I waited for about 3 hours? For V haha, I hate waiting, I'm impatient, firs time I waited THAT Long for someone, we went to a park with her friends after. Stuff happens and that's when we started being in a relationship together.. Yup,. I was starting to like her during the times I had came over to her house, I don't really know why or how.. I just did, and I accepted the fact that I did liked her, which was shocking to me bc... I had always rejected my feelings for other females, I was to scared.. I suppose. I forgot why happened on Thursday and Friday. I forgot what happened on Monday July 1, Tuesday, July 2. Wednesday I came over to her house. July 4 was so .. Messy lol, stuff happed and that's the day I guess we first kissed? But it was just a peck... Just a peck. Friday my cousin came to NY, we went to a night day party, their were inflatable stuff and it was fun, Saturday we went to splish splash, i had so much fun, It was a splash, lol, ya see what I did their? Haha no. Sunday I went to her place, and Monday my cousin and I did stuff. Their staying here for I don't know one or two weeks. They keep hanging their minds. When their going back, I'm going to go back with them, I was planing I'm saying for a week only but they want me to stay for two weeks, one said I had nothin better to do and the other said that she doesn't want me to hang out with my friends lol, their so cute. I don't really know, I mean I way to, bc that family and I love my family. I put them first, but I want to be with V too. I can't believe I am  putting someone next to my family... If you know what I mean, but you guys probably will get the wrong idea but wuteves. ... I really like her. And this is NOT just a PHASE! It's not. It really isn't. ...

I Don't Know

Am I annoying?
I hate that. ...
I know I am. People used to tell me that in grade school and in middle school. ... But so what? Huh? ..
It just hurts.. A lot.... To know ... That he finds me annoying....... Is that why he broke up with me? I don't know... Whatever
I want to forget about him already... I want him out of my life.. My ... Hearth.
Ugh .. I . .. Still love him...
I miss him
SOOO much
..That's not cool... It sucks
Sometimes I don't even care anymore but when I start to think of when we were together.. I start to miss him and start to care.
I want to get back together.. But I know it won't be the same... .. A part of me doesn't want him back.. But the other part does..
I don't know what to do.
...
I'm glad I have friends to be their for me.. I appreciate them a lot
But I don't know how to show it
I don't know how to express my feelings other than being mad...
...
I don't know what to say anymore or do anymore
I am speechless ...

One of my best friend made this , it's really nice
http://slide.ly/view/ca4a4f8dfd0e3ab7424aa959e817673f

Thank you for reading my complaints .. I guess.

I Wonder

Its been a wile since i last been here.. i just didnt know what to do... i dont know who to talk to...
First thing first.. why do i have so many viewers here? its over 1000.. and the last time i posted something it was about 100-200... im shocked... like, why and how are people reading this? about some random persons they dont know and reading/listening to their problems and/or success? i find it weird..
So.. two nights ago i just got dumped by my boyfriend whom i have loved very much.. but i guess i didn't show it or didnt show it as much.. .. im really sad and have no idea what to do.. i really wish we could get back together.. i keep waking up thinking its was all a dream.. but sadly it wasnt. We have been together for almost a year.  in about a few weeks is our anniversary..
ugh.. i hate it.. why did he do that? i wonder.. i dont think its because of what he said..
the first time he said it, i knew he was being serious but i kept thinking and acting as if it was a joke.. i kept repeating the same question " are you sure" and stuff like that and he repeatedly said yes. i got sooo sad after.. i didnt know what to do. but i didnt want to show ( i dont even know who i am trying to fool cuz it was just me in a very lonely dark room) that it bothered me as much..
i knew this would happen, that he would leave, i knew from the begining.. thats why i didnt really try to care much about the relationship. but then he noticed, or got sad or mad that i wasnt trying so.. i did it.. took the relationship for real.. and now that i care for it (the relationship and especially him) soo much.. he did it.. he ended it..
the next morning after the broke up, i though, or tried to belive it was a dream.. but it wasnt.. i cant change it no mater what. I called him because thats waht i always do in the morning and he said that i can or schould stop , i dont remmebr because i was mostly trying not to cry.  i was really sad and didnt want to go to school, but i have to no mater what so.. i tried to be late on purpose because my first class i have is with him... and i really didnt want to see him. i didnt want to start crying. i dont like showing anyone me crying.. . so, i went to me third class, gym. i was changing and my friend soon came ( her locker is on top of mine) she noticed that i was .. sad, and down, and asked what was wrong, and this is where i started crying so much. so i creid and she saw and ofcoure tried to cheer me up, she soon forced me to telling what was wrong and when i told her, she was saying how hes a jerk and stuff then she dropped me off to my gym class. i stoped crying and tried to be .. "happy", or "okay". i guessed it worked because she didnt know i was sad until my friend told her. then another friend came and asked what was wrong. they told her and she tried to cheer me up. the offered to drop me off to my next class and on the way their.. i saw him.. i looked away because i started to cry, alot. i was in front of my class and coudnt stop, but my teacher told me to come in so i forced myself to stop and to try to enjoy it. ..
then, during the start of lunch, i went to finish my math project with my group. i was glad and trying to waste time because i didnt want to see him in luch and i didnt know where else to go.
sooner or later, i had to go to the cafeteria.. i went to sit down my normal seat.. and just sat their.. my friends sitting on the table didnt know and i wanted it that way. but then my friend form earlier wanted to talk to me. she said that he was looking for me.. i got a bit sad but i was okay.
later.. i saw where he was.. i got sadder.. i was about to cry but i tried not to.... then he switched his seat and showed his back at me... i coudnt hold anymore so i started to cry.. but not much.
i then realize that i have my bid teddy bear friend to talk to. i tell him some of my stuff. hes like my mini  personal diary human. but.. unfortunatlely he wasnt their because he has lab.. his gf was.. she gave me a hug and said something, i dont remeber because i kept crying. she said she could take me to him after lunch. so we did. but the bell didnt ring yet and i coudnt hold it in anymore.. so i cired.. in the halway.. so much.. with so much people looking and asking wahts wrong. my friend came out and asked what was wrong, his gf told him and he got mad, he started saying bad stuff about him but he wasnt cursing. hes a good friend. soon one of the adults or teacher came and asked whats wrong, i couldt stop crying, so he just went to get my guidance counselor. i said no and that i wanted to go to class but i coundt move.. i coudnt stand up..
my guidance counselor came and took my to his office, i pulled my friend with me. he said they had to go to class and left. one of my teacher was their so she started asking what was wrong. my guidance counselor went to go get someone. i didnt want to talk so i just kept silence crying. she offered up some cookies she made and i took one. soon someone who specialize in relationships came and for some reason.. i started talking.. but not as much. the period ended and i wanted to go to class, so she dropped me off. he was their so i tried not to look at him or at that direction. but i could still see him even though im not looking straight at him. i saw that he and my friend was talking. my other friend who sits next to me said that he kept looking back and said that she thinks  that he feels terrible becouse he was .. scratching his head. i didnt know what to think or say to that.. the next period came..
in the end, i cried because more people found out and started saying things like " its okay" " forget about him" " hes a jerk" "youl find someone else" and etc. i cant controll it when people keep bringing it up. im trying to forget but they keep reminding me..
so i stayed after school because of science family night. i had to and i wanted to because 1) i volunteered to help and 2) i wanted to do something to forget about it. but the thing was.. it doesnt start till 6:30 and the preperation didnt start till 6.
till 4:40-6 i had done nothing but cry... i coudnt stop. i can tell my friends were anoyed but i coudnt help my self. they woudnt leave me alone too so.. yeah..
the event started and i at least stoped crying. but i coudnt stop thinking about him, and the past, and the break up and etc.
but in the end i had fun. haha, i stayed in school till 8
i didnt get home till 9 and right away i ate dinner. i had a huge plate because i thought it would help.
but i guess it did too.
morning again and i still thought that i was a dream ( the break up) . i fotgot i had lab so i went in before 5 minutes the period ended. he came up to me and said hi.
the next class.. i was just standing their minding my own buisness, ( i forgot what i was thinking about) then he came and started talking, my other friend was their too, i wasnt really paying attention to the conversation. then, all of a sudden he put his hands on my cheeks, i got so sad and i imediatly pushed him away.. i dont know if that was good or bad... it was an instinct. i wanted to cry but i didnt want him to see so i kept it in.
soon came gym. i especially did not feel like doing anything.. i was too sad.
then came a friend. he heard about the break up. when he came in, he walked straight up to me and gave me chocolate. it was to cheer me up. he and me didnt want to do anything so we started to talk. he seemed cool and funny. but i had always though of him like that since last year.
the period before lunch... my .. i dont know, i guess chest or heart was feeling weird. i knew why thoug. i just didnt want to see him. i was lucky i found my good friend and i brought him and his gf to this room where the adults specialize in something to do with making kids feel better. it felt nice their...
it felt ...safe.
my friends wanted to go eat so i went with them.. i didnt want to be alone... and also i wanted to see him T^T . right before she turned the handle, my chest was pounding so hard. i got soo scared.. but i had to deal with it.
soon came math. i wanted to know why he broke up with me, i dont think that its because i didnt listen.. i feel like its something more than that. he said a few stuff but i didnt really listen to him.. i heard him, but i didnt listen.
i got bored and was getting sad so... x) i started to draw on the desk... at the end of the period... HALF of the table was filled with stars. ... i dont know why stars though...
i didnt want to go to my next class so i ditch :O
i was waiting at the bus stop..... and then.. this feeling.. came to me. .. it was so sad.. it felt so sad. i hadnt cried the whole day till here.. so i started to cry.. a friend noticed and stoped me, but when she left, i coudnt hold it so i whent to hide between a car and a bush and just cried.. it was soom becoming a "ugly" cry ... i knew my cries from the day before were just me trying to hold it back, but this one was.. me going all out.. i stoped for a wile becouse i remebered that the reason i hadnt cried the whole day was becouse i didnt want to cry for him... but i coudnt hold it and their were some people around so i started to walk.. i cried wile i was walking.. soon i didnt realized that i was walking so far nonstop. i ended up to where i have to take my second bus. it was pretty far i guess.
..what hurts the most is not the break up... it was that he seemed as if it was okay and nothing had happend, how he was happy still. "feels terrible"? yeah right! JERK! i coudnt call him anything else, i just kept calling him a jerk in my head.
i really want to talk to him... but i dont know what.. i want to get back together.. i want to know .. i want to know why... Why?.. WHY?!?
..he made a promise.. i cant remeber if he really promised of just said it.. but he made a promise............. i wonder if he remembers it...