My Thoughts... (¬_¬) .. Yeah..

HA! Theirs the word! The way that that stupid guy at the store thingy was acting like!!! My friend helped me get the words right haha it's exactly as she had said it, here: "But to be honest its because i don't like how they act mad stupid " 
Ugh!!! That kid man lol, okay, my anger is gone now 😁 har-di-har-har 😋 
So, I've been reading the only two other journals I know... It's getting me depressed man... Depressed -__- so I'm gonna stop reading them now... Like I said before, I don't really look back and reread the past, but I did and.. This happens... But wuteves, I hope I can forget lol. 
I have been thinking about this for a wile now, u don't want to know people's past, bc it's so depressing and it seems like your chasing for the past. But I don't want that. I wanna live in the present, and might or might not worry about the future, lol. I've been reading my gf's journal lol, and it go me jealous... I get jealous easily -__- ...and bc I couldn't handle the emotions... That I was feeling wile I was reading it as the emotions I had obtained reading it after, looking from my point of view... Ugh, I hate that I can't handle emotions or feelings or wutever... It makes me stop and not want to continue and not know... Ugh, BUT I WANT TO KNOW... But I don't have the courage to keep knowing... Does it makes sense? Lol, I don't know but wutever, I don't care about your opinions haha just kidding, I do, no matter what I tell myself, deep down just a little I care... Haha I don't know what I'm talki about now... (¬_¬) forgot what I was talking about now or what the purpose is now haha , okay ... 
OH! Okay, so wile I was reading my friends journal... Damn... It was the big guns... Bc their was a part .. Talking about me... That had included me... And fuge did that hurt .... 
... It made me realize that I had pushed away the friend that would and HAD cared when no one else would or did ... I had screwed up my friendship with her and fckd it up... And I am sorry... I was just.... Ugh, idk, I can't blame it on anyone else .. When I know that the damn truth was that is was all fully my fault... Now she's just.. Fading... Fading into the dust... I was so damn worried about what my family had to say... They don't like her... At all... And it was my fault again... I had made  bad choices in my life... And I'm not that proud... But I can't really do anything about it.. So ... I don know... 
I try hard.. I do... But I don't think it's hard enough or people notices it at all... ... Doesn't think I change... Huh? ... But I did... :/... But I guess I guessed wrong... Sigh... ... I'm just here siting in the corner of my dark room, just typing up what I am thinking and stuff or wut not, and my cousins are just their .. Sleeping.. In which I should be sleeping too .. But no... I had to read those journals.. And be like this now.. Lol... Hi. 
So.. My friend haha, she is crazy, and insane... I guess.. Not really or not that much.. What does it really mean? Lol, does it have a measure, to the point where you are that? But whAt if you are different that others and like yeah... No.. I don't know... Hi. .. Anyways, so she .. Well.. We got into a fight.. I know we get into fights alot.. But this time .. Damn did I screw up so bad... It was big... It motivated her to go and meet her bf.. They have a long distance relationship... Our fight was part of why she did it I guess, so she went that far. Bought a ticket, left in the middle of the night. And go meet her bf.. I'm glad they finally got to meet face to face and be happy. I'm happy of them :) I truly am... So like .. Her family disapproved of it but she did it anyways... She's cool... She's nice... .. WHY DID I DOOOO THAT!!! Ugh, ... 
So , I'm gonna wrap this up fast, keep loosing the main purpose, so be for I talk about how I don't like life, how I don't wanna live anymore and how I regret all those things that I had done in life... Well.. I don feel like that anymore.. I mean.. I had regretted everything I did in life and I had wished I had neve existed, but now I don't , bc now I know that if those incidents hasn't happened, I wouldn't have been able to meet my gf... Corny huh? But it's how I feel... First time... Sorry... x(... It feels.. Nice.. You know, to have been okay and glad that those horrible things, that horrible past that I had put up with had happens all for the sake to have meet the person you like... I dot know... I'm gonna stop now lol, back is hurting and I need to sleep, In which I may or may not sleep for the rest of the night ... So :/, .. Like.. (¬_¬) good night? Peeps? Lol bye, and sleeeeeeepppppp! 
(Btw, I still dot understand how people know about this site... Why are people coming here and may or may not be reading it, my pageviews and going up and I'm like.. Shouldn't It be 0 pageviews for .. The whole time? Lol, I don't know )