Crying Does Help

crying really does help... just to cry your feelings out... its hard for me to talk to people about my feelings, about me, wuts going on, how im doing, how i really feel (yes, i know i said it twice). i try but i just cant. and it doesnt even seem like im even trying but i am... im sorry... but this stupid me just dont like to show how i really feel, im just a fake, a phoney girl. 

i dont talk bc i dont want to complain about something so stupid, something so small, so i just make myself all weird, all different so that wenever someone ask me how im really feeling and stuff i just talk about all the things that doesnt really bother me, but when i talk about it it suddenly does bothers me so im not technally lying. i try not to lie... but it just comes out so smoothly, i just cant stop, im sorry. i wish i could have someone to talk to... someone to really talk about wuts going in my head, how im really feeling in my heart... but the only way that could happen is if your a total stranger to me and  have no connections in my real life... but then once you know about me, i stop bc u know me too much... i dont really want to be known too much, i rtther know the other person more than that person knows me, but all people wants it to know me, how i really am (dont want to explain) and stuff... all i seem to do is iritate people... i cant seem to make people really happy, it seems as if all the people around me PRETENDS that their having a good time when they really dont... i dont know... thats just how i feel... people thinks that im pretending to have a good time when i actually am (sometimes) i try to be happy, since me being all sad and stuff makes people mad and stuff. 

i just really want to be trully happy, to trully have fun, to not worry, to not care if things goes wrong

im sorry if this deonst make sense, but this is just how i feel...